The Clean and Green Club

The dynamics of helping are especially relevant to marketers, because all of our products and services are essentially an offer of help in exchange for money–and because our marketing positioning both as service providers and as members of the business community and the neighborhood is greatly influenced by whether we’re seen as helpful or predatory, caring or callous. In the green world where many of you are, this is especially true, because the green world expects its businesses to be helping-oriented and to be good neighbors.

Schein uses the terms, “helper” (person offering the help) and “client” (the recipient). In his view, all helping interactions–not just marketing interactions–are really transactions. Every time you provide help, you raise your status relative to the client. Every time you request help, you lower your status relative to the helper. And if you’re providing that help as a paid supplier, you have the extra barrier of needing to establish yourself as trusted and knowledgeable, which can make it harder to locate and diagnose the real underlying issue or need.

It’s important to note that whatever you do has an impact. Even the choice to do nothing, to refuse to get involved, has an impact. So it’s important to understand the dynamics and likely results of all the available choices.

One way around this dynamic is to offer help before it’s requested–but to be willing to walk away with no ill will if that offer is declined. As an example, if you see someone with a physical disability struggling with a task, you can offer to carry something, hold a door, etc.–but it may be important for the person’s self-esteem to accomplish the task without outside help. If the offer is declined, the helper doesn’t need to be offended.

Of course, there are situations where you want to help whether or not that help is wanted. If you’re talking someone out of committing suicide, you can’t let yourself be deterred by the unwilling client. Schein suggests you say something like “let me talk to the part of you that doesn’t want to commit suicide.”

The flip side is situations where the client is begging you to solve the problem, whether or not the recommendation you can make based on your own knowledge and experience is appropriate. He suggests, “I’m not in your situation. But when I was in a similar situation, here’s what worked for me.” Another possibility is to throw it back on the client by providing two alternatives. Forcing the client to examine and choose is more empowering than providing a single answer.

Schein draws a big distinction between helpful and unhelpful help. Helpful help is perceived by both sides as reciprocal, fair, and equitable. It is invited or welcomed by the client. It usually involves asking probing questions to get to the heart of the issue, rather than making assumptions and jumping prematurely to recommendations. It honors the client’s intelligence and recognizes areas where the client needs support or could grow. And it results in the client not only being helped, but feeling heard and validated.

Without ever reading Schein’s analysis before, this is how I’ve run my marketing consulting practice for decades. And I’d suggest this is a lot of the reason why so much of my practice is repeat and referral business.